I DID IT!!!

whooopeedoo!!!! i just finished playing prime suspects!!!

Sorry…but I can't contain myself!  hihi!

Death Encounter

Life is really unpredictable.  2 weeks ago I was celebrating my successful monthend with friends then after 3 days, I had a terrible headache, which persisted for days that became a week and somehow sent me calling on doctors.  I’ve been to 4 doctors in all and their reactions were quite alarming.  The look of perplexity in their faces is so obvious that I was taken aback.  But the biggest shock came when they told me that I am showing symptoms of brain tumor. 

Brain tumor???? I felt like I wanted to faint the minute I heard the word.  It felt like my whole world was suddenly changing and I can’t keep up with it.  Thoughts of my family and friends; my dreams, which will remain as that; my career, which will soon end; the husband whom I haven’t even met yet and the lovely children we would not be able to produce anymore flooded my head. 

The imminence of death suddenly changed my whole state of mind and lineup of priorities.  I thought of what was really important to me.  I forgot about work and didn’t mind my Vietnamese boss who seems not to care about anything but my tasks at the bank.  To hell with them, they can survive even if I die right this very minute.  I forgot about my littlest worries like having my hair permed again and my eyebrows done.  I thought of my dearest family and friends and how I will make them ready for what’s to come.  I thought of all the things I so wanted to say to them and make them feel but somehow never got the chance (or more like never having the guts) to show them.   

Surprisingly, the thought of death didn’t send me running.  The fear that was always there when death is around the corner didn’t come creeping inside me.  In my mind, I was already trying to maximize the time that’s probably left for me to make my life here in this world worthwhile and meaningful.  If they find my tumor to be malignant, I would ask my family for me to be left untreated.  I don’t want to spend my remaining days in the hospital trying to wait for a miracle to happen that will keep me alive.  I want to spend the last of my days with my family and friends laughing with them, sharing stories, making more memories and enjoying each moment I have with them.  If time permits, I would love to go somewhere serene with them.  I don’t care how far or much it would cost.  I would spend my insurance money doing the things I want with the people I love.  I don’t want to see tears.  I just want laughter and peace and love. 

I had my MRI results.  Thankfully, I don’t have brain tumor.  Maybe my brains just wanted to have a pictorial.  On a serious note though, I am thankful for the experience.  I learn to appreciate death and the other things in life that we tend to set aside for silly woes of everyday life.  Yes, we need to work to live.  But we don’t live to work.  We, specially those working in big companies, tend to forget that there are more important things in our lives that we need to invest time in.  We need to strike a balance in work and personal lives.  Remember that those companies and businesses will outlive us all and they will go on surviving even if you died and left all the work undone.  We have more important assignments in our personal and spiritual lives that need to be worked on continuously that will give us valuable lessons that will live on until the end of time. 

Death is not a scary thing after all.  Given a choice, I would want to know beforehand that I am dying so I can do the most important things that I tend to forget when things are normal.